Copyright Nik Bonkoski 2019

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Beauty and thorns.

November 26, 2019



It's your choice how you grow out of your trauma. 

You can pick yourself up out of the thorns and you can grow your trauma into a beautiful rose. 

Beauty and thorns. 

This is something that I wish every single person.....young and old........child and adult.....was told the moment that their loved one died, the moment they were abandoned by a parent, the moment that their spouse filed divorce papers, the moment they lost their business or dream job, the moment that their entire world came crashing down. I wish they were handed a little note that said, "You get to choose how you grow out of this. It's your choice how you view this trauma and it's your choice on how you move onward." What an empowering thing to be told. Yet, I don't think many people are told this. And sometimes when we do know this.....we don't want to accept it. Accepting this truth means that we are in charge of doing the work to water our pain and help it grow into the sunshine and not stay in the darkness of the earth. 

Beauty and thorns. 

This is life. 

Lovers leave. 

People die. 

Careers end. 

Marriages crumble. 

The universe rips the rug out from under us sometimes once, sometimes more than once, and it's our choice how we grow out of that trauma. 

Who are you when everything else is stripped away? 

When your spouse dies and you are left to raise the kids all on your own and map out a new future by yourself. 

When your makeup is washed off and you don't have the money for nice clothes or you've gained weight and don't feel up to society standard of beauty. 

When your parent dies and you don't have them to rely on anymore. 

When you become a single parent and have to navigate parenting on your own. 

Whatever it is that happened to you to put trauma in your heart. 

Who are you at the end of the day when your hair is a mess and you're in your crumby pajamas and you're just......you. Who are you then? Are you the person blaming your past, your experiences, your pain for nothing going right in your life or are you the person who is choosing that tomorrow will be a new day and you will let beauty grow next to your thorns. Are you a good person only when everything is sunny, only when you're glammed up and pretty, only when others are watching.........or are you a good person even with your thorns and even when no one notices the things that you do to help others. 

The choice is yours. 

No, trauma and loss isn't always going to make you a better person, a better version of yourself. And that's ok too. It's ok to say, "This broke me and I can't seem to rise out of it." But you can work everyday to choose to see beauty where yesterday you seen pain. It's slow steps. It's small moments of appreciation for the things we love that still remain. 

Maybe some of us go through trauma so we can teach and serve others in theirs. 

Maybe some of us go through truama for no cosmic reason and yet we can still choose to not let our thorns lead the way. We can still choose to lead with love. We can choose to give ourselves buckets of self love and not allow our pain to overcome us. We can say, "This happened. It was awful and it almost destroyed me and I don't see any reason it happened. But, I'm going to choose to live a life of purpose, kindness and grace. I'm going to climb mountains and be alive....I won't let the darkness take me down." 

Beauty and thorns. 

When we continue for years to say, "Well, I do this or that because of my trauma." .....when we do that and we blame everything we do, say, think, or feel on our trauma? We can't fully grow into our soul's beauty. I'm not talking about outer beauty. This is inner beauty. The light of love that shines out of your eyes that says to the stranger passing you on the street, "Life threw me in the dirt and I'm still smiling. And I still have a hand to extend to a stranger. And I still wake up every single day and I thank life for my breathe and I pick the thorns from my skin and I move onward with courage and grace." 

Beauty and thorns. 

We could take those thorns and throw them at others or use those thorns to protect ourselves from opening up to other people or we can keep loving and shining and helping others even with those thorns on our skin. We get to choose. It's our choice. 



Beauty and thorns. 


You get to choose what type of person you become after trauma hits your life. No spiritual bypassing. No faking positivity. Feel it then heal it. Be honest. Know that real healing comes from within.....no one can give it to you.....and it takes a lifetime. Choose to grow beauty in it's place. Accept. Let it be. 

 

It's your choice every single day to learn from your past and then set it down and move onward, upward. Yes, there are things we do or say or think that are because of the trauma we endured but we are powerful beings. We can notice this and overcome it. We can change our minds. We can cure our hearts. We can decide to not throw our thorns at others or to take those thorns and torture ourselves more but to shower them in love until they grow into something beautiful. Heal and let go of the truama that grows thorns on your skin.Beauty and thorns. And sometimes all this means is setting down your past and living in the now. Now is all we have. The past is gone and it only fully lives today if we allow it to. Tomorrow is never a for sure. Smile at strangers. Open the door for someone. Send someone flowers. Be a good person not for any reward on earth or in the beyond but just because it's the right thing to do. Hug your kids and tell them they get to choose what type of person they become. Never, ever allow your trauma to make you bitter or cruel. The past happened and it was cruel and brutal but today is a fresh new day. You get to choose to set down that suitcase of the past and move onward. 

 

Spread love around like tomorrow is your last day on earth. 

 

Love always, Nik 

 

 

Thank you so much for donating to my writing and for valuing the loving work and service that I put out into the world. If my writing has helped your life...you can say "thank you" here:  www.paypal.me/niktebbe 

 

 

 

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