I'm not looking for Mr. Right.
I'm a few months shy of turning 39. I'm widowed. I have children. I'm single by death not by choice yet I am now choosing to be single.
Why? Why am I not on some single woman's quest to find the perfect man to fill the hole in my life?
Because my life is complete as is.
Some of us women are becoming the men that we wanted to marry.
Some of us have a higher calling that requires us to turn our hearts outward toward the world and not only towards one relationship. It is important for women and men to understand that the most important thing in your life is not to find your "one true love" but to find your truest life path. Some of us will find our truest path within a romantic love relationship and some of us have a life path that does not require finding our "one". We are our own "one".
I was widowed in 2015 and for two entire years I did not date. I did not think about men. I focused on my children. I focused on our healing. I took those two years to learn, write, and grow spiritually. It was the hardest two years of my life because I was grieving and it was also amazing because I basically went back to school to learn about writing, grief, spirituality, love, truth and more. I did this via reading hundreds of books, taking classes, and more.
I am not looking for Mr. Right.
I don't search dating sites.
I sometimes hope no one asks me out.
I am whole and complete and on a mission to raise my kids wild and free, curious and brave, strong and tender, smart and kind. I homeschool my kids and it's more about the lifestyle, connections, and love than it is about the educational style. It's about teaching them to be lifelong learners. It's about allowing them to fully be themselves and grow into who they are spiritually, mentally, and in their hearts without someone else's agenda. I know that this lifestyle is not for everyone and that most won't understand it or welcome it and I'm not changing what's best for my family for anyone else.
Am I cutting out men? Am I shutting down the idea of romantice love, a new relationship, a partner for my life?
No. Of course not. I still hope for those things in my life to come. But I'm not out there looking. But I don't feel an emptiness or lonliness or void in my life. If some man who knows his own heart, understands his own spirituality, has an open mind, is kind, adventerous, and maybe writes me poems comes walking into my life? I'd pour him a hot cup of coffee and find out more about what makes him tick. I'd know that a higher power sent him my way even if he lived far away.
But I'm not waiting. I've got shit to do. Ya know?
Yes, I miss my late husband. Yes, I wish every day that he was still alive....especially for our children. But I don't live in the past. I know he's gone, our relationship continues on a cosmic level, and I'm living in what is happening right now.
Right now I've got a pretty amazing life. I have a wonderful circle of friends and most of them I met after my husband died. I have my work as a writer, spiritual mentor, intuitive life guide. I am reaching my heart around the world every single day in hopes of helping guide someone else in their life.
There is no Mr. Right. There's no one exactly right person for anyone. Soul mate? That term is thrown around way too lightly. A soul mate comes into your life to shake you up, wake you up, and teach you something. They aren't the other half of your soul. You aren't half. We all have lots of soul mates and some come in platonic friend form.
I'm not looking for Mr. Right. I'm looking for adventure, peace, healing, knowledge, and the love and hugs from my children. I'm looking for life experience. I'm looking to get myself to Australia because I feel a huge pull from the universe to go there. Why? I'm not sure. I guess when my feet hit the dirt when I get off the plane then maybe I will find out why I am there. How will I get there? I don't know. I'm going to put it out into the cosmos and see what happens. Maybe I'll get there this year and maybe I won't for 20 more years but I know that last year I felt this way about going to South Dakota and then God left me a message inside of a man named Wenton and then I understood why I choose South Dakota out of my long list of amazing places I hope to visit in my lifetime.
Mr. Right. Is he out there? Maybe. Maybe not. I've tried dating since last summer. I learned a lot and I don't regret any of it but no, I didn't find Mr. Right. What did I find? I found answers within my soul to what kind of life I want to live and what kind of person I don't wish to be with. I learned more about myself on so many levels and I learned that if I'm single the rest of my life I will still be happy. I learned that I am enough for my kids. What I do for them, the love that I give them, and how I am raising them is enough. I am their Mom and I am enough of a parent and a loving human to be what they need each day. I've dated men who said, "Are you always going to homeschool your kids?" "Are you always going to write about your life?" Yes and yes. Not comfortable with that? Doesn't vibe with you? Ok......let's part ways. This is who I am, this is my life. I'm not your typical woman that's going to cook your dinner, pack your lunch, and wash your dirty socks. I've done that. I've been a wife and it was wonderful with the person I chose to do that with but I'm different now. So very different.
Single women.....yes, it's ok to be looking for a guy. A partner in life to share love with is one of the most amazing human experiences. But you're not half without it. But your life isn't any less wonderful or meaningful without it. It might come walking into your life one day when you're busy making your own plans. Let Mr. Right find you. Let him find you while you're sitting alone at a cafe writing on your laptop and he notices the way you chew your lip when you're furiously writing and he walks up and starts talking to you. Let him find you when you're laughing with your kids out on a hiking trail. Let him find you while you're out living your amazing life creating your own happiness, manifesting your own dreams, and laughing at your own jokes.
Do I like that I'm widowed? No. But I like being single now inside of my "new" life. I have control over my own happiness. I don't have anyone telling me how to parent my kids. I don't have anyone squashing my goals. It's ok to like being single. It's ok to want to stay single. The world tells you that you have to pair up, be in a relationship, be married but you don't have to. The world is changing. So many souls are awakening and they are rising up and sharing their gifts, following their divine purpose, and marriage or relationships aren't for everyone. That's ok. Being single offers you up your freedom to fully be who you are and do what you want with your own life. That's not a bad thing. That's beautiful and meaningful.....it's all in how you look at it.
Romantic love should be two people holding hands and not turning inwards towards each other but outwards towards the world. Focusing on their own relationship, family, and goals but also turning out to the world and finding ways that their own unique gifts can benefit humanity.
Until you find this?
Pour your coffee for one and get out into the sunshine.