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You are not half

December 6, 2017

  

Ok, here we go. 

 

When do I write? 

 

When I'm inspired. 

 

When a phrase or a title or a word pops into my head and it just hovers there waiting for me to notice it. 

 

Tonight I heard in my head......"You are not half" 

 

What does this mean? 

 

This means you were born a full and complete person. 

 

This means that there is no other half to your soul out there in the world. 

 

This means that you are worthy all on your own. 

 

This means that if you are single........you're still a whole person. 

 

This means that no diamond ring on your finger will fill up that hole in your soul that is saying that you feel unworthy. 

 

Love is just icing on the cake. 

 

No one can complete you. 

 

Why do I think this?  Because I fell for all that crap years ago too when I was a starry eyed 20-something in love. I thought that I would completely die without this person. I thought that he fixed me, completed me, and made me who I was. I was wrong. Why? Because then he up and died and yes, I felt unworthy, and I felt broken, and I felt like I was dying. But, I was still a whole person. I didn't die without him. I kept on going without him even though my heart was on fire and I could count whatever it is that you call the time in between seconds. 

 

I remember just days after he died and someone saying to me, "Will you ever get married again?" And I flat out said, "Hell No. Who the hell would want me? I'm broken. I'm a mess. I'm a tragedy. I'm chaos. I have two little kids. I'm a wreck. I will be alone forever." 

 

That's honestly what I thought. And I don't give a shit if I do live alone forever because I am healed enough now and understand the universe and my soul enough now to know that I can lead an amazing and fulfilled and purpose driven life with or without a man in my life. But, I no longer think that I'm broken. Yes, my heart is broken but I'm a whole person. I no longer think that my life is too crazy, too chaotic, too messy, too hard for anyone else to want to join into. You want to be with me? Welcome to my life. It's my life. It's not broken. It's beautiful. It's not messy. It's real. And if you have a wild and busy and chaotic and messy life too? I get it. I see past it. I see you. I see you......a whole and wonderful person. 

 

You are not half. 

 

You are not half a person or half a soul or half anything. 

 

You are a whole person and don't buy into the crap that says until you are actually whole you will only attract halves into your life. What? We aren't puzzle pieces. We aren't toys. We are humans with living and beating hearts. Yes, so many of us have stories of tragedy, horror, grief, and more. This doesn't mean we are half of a person. This means that we have shown up for life and life has knocked us down. Life has left us alone. Life has taken away people we loved. But even if we are broke, homeless, and sitting in the rain under a bridge? We are still a whole and beautiful person. 

 

You are not half. 

 

You were never half. 

 

When you feel like someone completes your life that is fantastic. But you are still whole without them. 

 

Please remember this. 

 

Teach your children this. 

 

My husband died and that day I stood in our driveway after the medical examiners and police drove away and I felt like half of a person. I wanted to die. I thought I was unworthy of love. I thought that without him I was half. 

 

I'm not half. Yes, my heart hurts because he died. Yes, he added so much to my life. 

 

But I'm still whole here on my couch alone. 

 

And in my new relationship I am still a whole person. And he's a whole person. And we don't complete each other but we enhance each other's lives. 

 

So many of us are living single. So many of us never get married. So many of us get divorced. So many of us are widowed and people try to tell us that we are half until we find new love and I'm here to say.....No. 

 

Don't buy into it. 

 

You're whole all on your own. 

 

You always were. 

 

Live alone forever and this is still true. 

 

Find new love and this is still true. 

 

Your soul knows it. You maybe just needed a reminder. 

 

All my love, Nik 

 

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