When my late husband died, I had so many people say to me, "Nik, It's going to be OK. You're young. You're smart. You're beautiful. You will get married again. You will find love again."
I didn't agree with them. I felt unlovable. Unworthy. Broken. Damaged goods.
I felt like who the hell would want a broken person in their life that they needed to bandage up and fix? But you know what? I was wrong. I don't feel that way anymore. I have healed parts of my heart on my own. I have learned that happiness is a choice. That self-love is very important. I love me. I love me enough to live alone for the rest of my life. I have piles of books and hobbies and writing and goals and wonderful friends to fill all of my hours. I have built a life on top of my broken one. I don't need to be fixed. I need to be accepted and loved for exactly who I am right at this very moment. And that love also needs to come from myself back to myself. I need to love and accept myself for just who I am right now. Not who I hope to be in five years, not after I lose the 15 pounds of stress and grief weight my body won't let go of. But right now. Just as I am. I am alive. I can laugh. I can run and hike and I can love.
Have you been hurt? Has your heart been shattered? Have you had someone you love die or experienced trauma, tragedy, a break up or a divorce? You are not broken. Yes, your heart feels broken but you are lovable just the way you are. It's our stories that make us human. It's our broken pieces that make us more compassionate and more loving people. Don't look for someone to fix you. Look for people to add into your life who will love you....just as you are with no conditions of you needing to change to make them happy. Run away from anyone who says they will be your friend or life partner....IF you change your hair, or when you lose the weight, or if you would stop talking so loud in public, or when you liked all the hobbies that they like. Surround yourself with people who see your light. People who see past your outer human shell to your beautiful soul. People who want to be around you because when you laugh they think...."I just love that this human exists." People who think you are smart, and brave, and lovable....unconditionally.
If no one in the world ever had a broken heart would there be any music? Would there be any artists? Would there be poetry and writing that could reach into your heart and touch your soul? I don't think there would be. It's the joy and pain again. There is beauty in joy and yes, there is beauty in pain. Where is the beauty in the pain? It's inside of what we do with the pain after it's touched our lives. Did we let it make us bitter and mean or did we let it break open our hearts and make us more compassionate and loving and let us know that we should definitely belly laugh out loud at every joke that we find happiness in.
Yes, we can heal our hearts when we have experienced any type of emotional pain. Yes, the wound will always exist in one way or another. Yes, we can reach out to healers, therapists, spiritual mentors, and people who can help to guide us to our own inner healing. But no, they can't fix us and I don't think we should want anyone to fix us.
I see your broken pieces. The ones that you try to hide away. I see those pieces and they are beautiful. They make you..........you. Keep shining. All my love, Nik